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(CNN) — This wasn’t a part of the plan. At age 30, I was still single and had no exciting prospects.

Rebounding from a terrible breakup with my longtime boyfriend, I turned to online dating to find a suitable mate. I joined, eHarmony and JDate, a website for Jewish singles, and decided I would go out with whomever asked, as long as he didn’t seem terrifying.

The first two dates were comically bad.

Date Number One asked me out to a really nice restaurant, then didn’t offer to pay for (or even split!) the bill. He ordered a very expensive bottle of wine and two appetizers — neither of which I got to enjoy — before moving on to a three-course meal. While walking back to our cars, he suddenly diverted to a public park bench where he asked if I wanted a smoke. He then lit the shaggy end of a large marijuana joint right in front of an assortment of passersby. He mentioned something about his weed habit and impotence, but by then I was already running toward my car…